March 7, 2002

An online friend sent me a present earlier this week - a book entitled All About Me. It's a book of questionnaires covering all aspects of ones life. Each page is about something different. Elle had mentioned it a number of times through her archives. Since I am prone to lethargy at times when it comes to thinking of things to write about in entries here, I had asked her if she could flip through her copy and send me random topic from the book to discuss. Well, she did that one turn better by sending me my own copy of the book to work from. (Thanks again, btw!) I felt it was right that she should select the first random page, which she has. I present to you now: Page 12. [Fanfare where deemed appropriate.]

What would your reaction be if your spouse or partner cheated on you? My first reaction to this question is that it's non-applicable, knowing Lisa as I do. It's not a part of her mental make-up to even consider the thought. My second reaction is that the question is being phrased in the hypothetical, not actual, so I should take a moment and actually think about it. [Takes a moment.] Betrayal. Kick in the gut. Shattered trust. Self-doubt. Topsy-turvy world whose foundation has been shattered. Sense of loss and loss of way. Starting anew with little or no self-confidence. Lots of alcohol and starting to smoke again. Music. Long aimless drives through the country to escape reality. ... I'm depressing myself with this question, so let's move on. :)

You have cheated. [ ] Yes [ ] No. An emphatic No. It's not in my mental make-up either.

A time you purposely hurt someone emotionally. I'm working through my memory files, flipping through the 2 year segments of my life, trying to think of such an occasion. Truthfully, I cannot recall ever purposely, deliberately, with malice, hurting someone emotionally. I'm not that kind of a person.

You have apologized. [ ] Yes [ ] No. Not applicable.

A time you accidentally hurt someone emotionally. I know that there have been times where I made a flippant remark, forgotten to do something, misconstrued a meaning or a message; the result of my error being that I inadvertently hurt someone's emotions. Thinking about this brings back one particular childhood memory. It was Grade 8, 1977, in Ottawa Ontario. 13 year old me and my classmate Kathryn had developed a friendship that could have easily slid into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. We would chat on the phone at night for an hour or two. I would walk her home from school and then catch the bus from there to go home myself. There was definite chemistry taking hold. One day, as I walked her home, she asked me if I wanted to see her cat. I said sure, and that I would wait at the bus stop for her to bring it out to show me. I then walked to the bus stop a couple of blocks away that I always went to to catch my bus home, not thinking that she would assume that I meant the bus stop that stood a few doors down from her house. I stood and waited at my stop; she never appeared. The next day and for the rest of the school year, we never got along quite as well as we had prior to that incident. It is only now as an adult and with the perfect vision of hindsight that I understand what must have happened and how she must have felt, wanting to share an important part of her life with me only to find I had walked away. I was a schmuck; a typical 13 year old teen boy not thinking things through.

You have apologized. [ ] Yes [ ] No. Kathryn - if you are out there, if you ever read this, I am truly sorry for being a complete idiot that day.

There are 2 other questions on the page about whether or not I owe people money (I Don't) but they seem irrelevant after those above. Writing about the incident above triggers a song lyric reference, mentioned once before in these pages, that always makes me think of that Grade 8 class and some of the individuals therein.

The Spirit Of '76

Well I find myself in reverie
'Bout what we might have had, and what might have been
We had something going once
That was such a long, long time ago

It was way back in '76
A friendship formed of pure innocence
We first met in Matthew Street
Where we heard something that would set us free

A sign stands over a door, it says
"Four lads who shook the world"
In the depths of those heady nights
We would dream of those bright lights

Oh my friend, Oh my friend, Oh my friend

See my friend John, he went away
He made some mistakes, spent time in Walton jail
And now when I see him, we still talk
But there's no light shining in his eyes

And Susie, she was seventeen
And more beauty in this world, I swear you'll never see
I was gonna be king, and she was gonna be queen
But now all she does is hide behind the tears

If there was more sense in this world
And work wasn't so hard to find
You would not be going your way
I would not be going mine

Oh my friend, Oh my friend, Oh my friend

Somewhere tonight out on the street
Somewhere beneath this city's heat
In the eyes of strangers who pass me by
Oh, life is cruel and so unkind
Woah, the Spirit of '76

Now me, I've seen my dreams come true
But that don't make me no hero, I'm just one of the lucky few
If a man can't change the world these days
I still believe a man can change his own destiny

But the price is high that is got to be paid
For everyone who survives there are many who fell
I've seen my friends caught out in the crossfire
All their dreams and hopes smashed on the funeral pyre

I will never give in
Until the day that I die
I get myself some independence
Carve out a future with my two bare hands

Oh my friend, Oh my friend, Oh my friend

Somewhere tonight out on the street
Somewhere beneath this city's heat
In the eyes of strangers who pass me by
Oh, life is cruel and so unkind
Woah, the Spirit of '76

Mersey lights shine in the distance
Same as they did for us then
Mersey lights shine bright in the distance
Where are you now my friend?

Some nights when I can't sleep, I still think of you
Of all the promises, all the dreams we shared
I know those lights still call to you
I can hear them now

Somewhere tonight out on the street
Somewhere beneath this city's heat
In the eyes of strangers who pass me by
Oh, life is cruel and so unkind
Woah, the Spirit of '76

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